Prayers For My Baby Nephew

He's having open heart surgery this week, that they try to wait until the baby is a year old for, but in this case he several months shy of that age. My thoughts and prayers and love and concern and heart and soul go out to my brother and sister and their two boys, especially at this time.

If you are reading this, I have not gotten through to you by phone yet, and know that all three of us are praying for you, your family, and especially your baby in the care of the doctors at the hospital. My daughter has repeatedly expressed her love and concern, although I suspect the last thing you are doing right now, this week, is reading blogs. Still, since I haven't been able to get ahold of you, I am sending this message out there, as well as asking my readers, if there be any, for their prayers.

I know I've been gone lately, as I've been . . . . . (queue tears) . . . . having a soul-wrenching struggle with this . . . . life-sentence of a grim, imprisoning, ever-MORE crippling and increasingly painful, surprisingly aggressive, THING that is such a simple sounding word as . . . arthritis. Or osteoarthritis. Caused by bad genetics. Most people's bodies, well, they're designed to age normally, you grow up, grow old, yes, you wear out, etcetera, but . . . mine is designed to tear up the cartilage on its own, early, quickly (as these things go, I speak in terms of 10-15 years, 10-20, in terms of becoming rather crippled and pain-ridden, and as the doctor said, more body parts WILL go, will have been replaced by then, when I was asking about how aggressive this thing was, and generally what might I expect in a 10-15 year time frame . . . .) . . . . and, as well, the cartilage is peeling itself away from the sides of my bones, and I feel as though I am literally being flayed alive, from the inside out.

THAT is what my body is designed to do, by my "bad genetics". And is what it will continue to do, and there is no super glue to make the cartilage want to stick back to the bone. They showed me a picture from the arthroscopy, that looked up the femur, that showed it peeling away from the femur already . . . .

I am literally FALLING APART.

My life has changed in a much bigger way than I thought when I first heard the word arthritis and the words bad genetics.

Anyway, I didn't mean to post so much about THAT. I've fallen into a DEEP, DEEEEP depression, the likes of which is . . . . different. It's a shock of a kind that I've not ever had, and on top of everything else . . . .

I had a thought, gee, if I were making up a will, the part where it says, of sound mind and body, I don't think I qualify for either . . . . .

. . . . and I don't know whether to laugh or cry . . . . . . . .

But, I am not the only one in the world with problems. I have not read my email in quite a while, nor anything else . . . . I could not pass by without requesting prayers on my nephew's behalf - I firmly believe in the power of prayer.

I also believe there are trials one is to face in life, and I do not know if I am strong enough to face what it seems I am going to have to face. It's not like I have a choice . . . . it's been in me since before anyone ever knew. Betrayed by my own flesh and blood, my own matter, my own genes, substance, the stuff that makes me up. Ugh.

Gah. To sleep, it's late.