I Wrote Myself a Letter Incorrectly

Well, so I've been working on heavy material from my childhood in therapy, recently.

I was supposed to write a letter to myself - a letter, to my younger self.

Apparently it was a bit too . . . intellectual, not that he outright criticized it like that; he was more kindly about it. He said I read it out very . . . emotionlessly, which I agreed with, and we talked further about why that might be, and the issue of the letter being written from too intellectual a point a view came up.

The letter was too "safe". Me, I'm really good at running from my emotions. It's no surprise that this first attempt at addressing a difficult, emotional subject should have ended up rather timid and safe.

So, my homework is, after listening to the two most recent sessions of therapy again, is to write another letter to my younger self, this time talking more about the stuff that those mean kids did to me when I was young. This is hard and painful for me, but if I'm going to heal, I need to deal with it.

This sucks. It's been difficult to re-hear myself breaking down and sobbing in these particular sessions of therapy; sometimes therapy is alot easier to listen to than this. These ones are definitely NOT easy for me to listen to, but I'll get through them. It IS cleansing and healing, especially since I am hearing things that didn't come through the sobbing clearly at the time.

I just don't know how I am going to handle life when therapy is suddenly cut off with the insurance ending; I'm going to feel like an arm or leg has been torn away. I feel like therapy is essential for me at this point in my life, and that I can't do without it, but I'm going to have to figure out how to stuff things back inside for awhile without exploding. I don't know how I'm going to do that, because I'm kind of volatile right now.