NAMI Grading the States 2006 (A Report on America's Health Care System for Serious Mental Illness)

Actor Crush of the Day: Matthew Fox! Cause he is. Hee!

Click the title to follow the link. Then, click YOUR particular state, to see your state's "grade" in the arena of mental health spending, resources, information, services, etc.

I live in a grade D state. Eeee!

I found this on Dr. Deborah Serani's Blog.

I found her blog through Damn I Hate Being Depressed's blog.

My knee bone connects to the thigh bone, my thigh bone connects to the . . . .

Oh wait, where were we? Hee hee. Please pardon my giggling. I'm really more adult than I may seem at the moment. Being up at 2:30 am is bound to do that to a person.

There's alot of good mental health links in Dr. Deb's sidebar, which I'll be taking a look into. As well as reading her posts, and linking to them from time to time as I see pertinent information. There's a lot of it, there, but then, there would be, given the focus of her blog.

On another note, my dear daughter caught what's been going around, and so, it seems, has my husband. We're up finishing the third Lord of the Rings movie, since we get to sleep in tomorrow (with sickos in the house, we won't be at 9am church).

Take a look at the Hmmm T-shirts-for-mental-disorders post while you are at it . . . I did have a chuckle at several of the shirts, but then I thought about if I was actually wearing some of those, that apply to me, and did I think it would promote more understanding and acceptance of the mentally ill, or promote more stereotypes? And, while I decided that perhaps seeing people wearing this sort of thing about, might lead to some form of some kind of increased acceptance (although it might not be such a positive form), in the end I think it would just create and/or rigidify stereotypes in people's minds.

Somewhere far down in the comments of that post, I posted about some shirts I have, one of which has Grumpy, of the Seven Dwarves on the front, and in big, 70's-ish letters, "MOODY". And why that was so positive for me.

Re-Focus of Purpose for this Blog

I've gotten away, a bit, from my purpose for this blog, although I think that's understandable since I've been going through alot. Also, that WILL happen from time to time given the nature of my conditions, and, will also show, in a way, what it's like to BE this way. So in that way, I haven't completely left off from what I meant to do, here.

I mean to show what it is like to live with and learn about these mental illnesses, since I'm still barely starting to learn.

I mean to show, over time, hopefully, the difference that therapy is making in my life. I think, just by my writing and the experiences I relate, improvements will naturally show. I do not, though, intend for people to judge me for any perceived "backsliding" or not improving "fast enough" or in ways or areas that others would prefer. People might judge me anyway, but I know that I am not asking anyone to "police" my improvement or lack thereof. Plus, the nature of my predicament is quite cyclical, anyway.

I mean to show how a discomfort or even prejudice, unconscious or otherwise, about or against the mentally ill, affects MY life, and the mentally ill in general, and those around them. And how it may even affect those who aren't, and don't know anyone who is mentally ill. I think there are many issues involved with mental illness, the mental health care system (which is fairly broken, at least as far as options for most people and funding and government assistance, health insurance mental health parity with other illnesses paid by health insurance, legislation and/or the lack thereof, etc.) that affect everyone, whether they know it or not.

I mean to show much about the way the system is working, and/or not working for me, or has or has not in the past, and what I think might be some ideas for improving things (with a LOT input and response and ideas from you guys, I hope).

I mean to show much about a variety of legislative issues surrounding mental illness, regarding funding research, diagnosis, treatment, health insurance parity with other illnesses, legal issues and rights for and about the mentally ill and their caregivers, and many other legislative issues.

I mean to show much about what people can DO to advocate for any aspect of any of these issues, by researching, finding, and relating resources for first, learning enough from respectable and legitimate sources, of both or more sides of the issues, and then where to expend your time, attention, emails, etc. and whom to send them to and contact/interact with, to bring these important issues closer to the front of county, state, and national officials' attention.

I mean to look into what is being researched in the way of mental illness, and getting to the root of some of the causes, that have not been discovered yet, both environmental (as in, the person's childhood, etc.), biological, and other. There are some interesting studies going on that are showing some differences in the brain, that I find fascinating. Although a bit . . . taken aback, sometimes, when I think, HEY, they are talking about stuff that would be going on in MY brain (if they are talking about my specific illnesses and disorders).

I mean to inject some humor into much of what I do, and convey, in a hopefully appropriate way, as that is one thing that helps me get through. And I hope we can have many good laughs together.

I mean to show various resources for the mentally ill, their families, friends, caregivers, and anyone else who is interested, as I discover them. I have several that I have used, one of which most people don't know about, but it can save $$$, that I may post about.

I can't guarantee anything or everything I say is completely accurate; I am not a lawyer, legislator, medical researcher, doctor, etc. I am not an expert, and I can't pretend to say that I know what I am doing when it comes to supporting others with mental illness; I am not a counselor, social worker, etc. Do not take any of my words or advice as representing what a mental health professional would recommend; please contact yours or locate one using various resources, some of which I'll post about, but for general and specific mental health advice, please contact a professional.

With that said, though, I will do my best to provide a place, here, where those interested, and those who know someone or are suffering from mental illness themselves can have a place to come for encouraging, friendly accepting support and understanding, as far as one can without knowing what it is like to have that specific illness.

I hope to give a snapshot of what it can be like, in MY situation, so that perhaps people can learn to understand a bit more of what the REALITY of being mentally ill is like, and what it can be like for those who love me, at least, from my perspective anyway. I may perhaps ask a trusted family member or two to post from time to time, from their perspective, if they are willing.

So. This is all ambitious, I know. Alot of it will be spread out, over time, and it will take time for me to know a bit more about alot of these before I'm comfortable starting to post on them. But hopefully we can make this journey together.

If any of YOU find resources, information, legislative stuff, etc., shoot me an email or a comment and let me know.

I also mean to post about my life, and not necessarily always mental illness, as I want and need to learn to accept myself better, and as I learn that I am NOT stupid for LOVING Wonder Woman and collecting items in that theme, and other things, and post about them, I come to accept myself more.

I am still cringing about posting that, as though it is some juvenile, stupid thing. But hey, it's out there.

I hope for some understanding and acceptance and support, but I know that, of course, I can't count on it. Thank you to those who do, and those who read this blog, and hopefully those who have given up on reading it as I've rather wandered muchly the last several months, may check again and come back.

Anyway, it won't be an overnight change, here, but these are all my intentions.

Basically my life, mixed up with mental illness issues, learning to accept myself and explore more of the things that interest me, and become COMFORTABLE with being the person who has those interests, as well as posting about autism issues in the same vein as everything mentioned above about mental illness issues.

Gee, that's not much, is it?

A little bit at a time. One piece, here and there, and it'll all form a bigger picture as time goes on.

Thanks for reading!

Sara

Your Support Helps Me SO Much!

It has helped, is helping, and will help.

I have been struggling, floundering, frenetically reaching for any light, kindness, love, friendship, support, et. al, to help sustain me, and I find it, again and again, through the kind and sometimes difficult and very deep expressions of experience, friendship, kindness, and love that have been posted here for me.

I hate to feel so needy, though, but as I KNOW that I am putting everything I can into fighting this darkness, I am trying to tell myself that I shouldn't feel guilty for needing or wanting support, for needing or wanting contact and communication with people who care, who are concerned, who like to laugh with me, who accept my silliness and dark mood swings and bouts/bursts of extreme neediness, who see my more intellectual side and accept that too, and don't judge me as just a silly, juvenile, manic, depressed, flighty individual.

THANK YOU. I appreciate and need all of you. (Why is it that the final scene from Labyrinth, in Sarah's bedroom with all the Jim-Henson creatures, is going through my mind right now? Hee! You're the babe with the power . . . What power? The power of voodoo . . . . Who do? You do . . . Do what? Remind me of the babe . . . . What babe? The babe with the power . . . Hee hee hee!)

Guess I need to watch that again, now. Lol! I feel like I'm in that MC. Escher-like maze of crazy, 4-dimensionally going every which-way and dimension and direction, stairways. 4-dimensionally probably isn't the right term for it but there really ISN'T one.

Anyway! Thank you. I am glad to see people haven't given up on me, and to see EVERYONE who returns. I mean to visit you, Lizzie, and Barb, go to that website of poetry you moderate, but then I always fizzle out. Well, not always. But I'll get there . . . .

Thank you for WANTING me. For wanting me to EXIST. Feeling NOT WANTED is a horrible thing for me. And has been a particular struggle, of late. As you've seen.

But, as I told my ologist, the way out is THROUGH. I have to feel what I'm feeling, let the emotions and reactions HAPPEN inside (pushing them away and burying will only cause more problems, long-term), work on them, feel them, sometimes just hold on as they batter me. It is NOT self-indulgent to be within this, within the experience of these emotions, to let them wash over me. I do periodically check my "Wallow" meter, to see if I'm just wallowing in it, or if I'm EXPERIENCING it, letting it happen so I can realize what I need to from the process. And then, when the emotions recede for a bit, sometimes work on what has come out of the storm, and figure a tiny bit more out.

I wish, so much, that I didn't have this, but I do. It's my life, my experience, now. So, I'll be going THROUGH it, and I apologize for the moodiness this is going to cause. SEVERE moodiness. And, given the number and depth of the issues involved, it could be years, before I have fully processed the issues; before I've come to the end of the road for a particular difficulty or trouble. I don't know when I'll be THROUGH, but that's the only way I can see to go. I can't shove it aside.

SO. Thank you all for being with me, here, through this. I'm NOT abandoning this blog; I'll be back to my more frequent posting at some point, probably not a distant point; ie, probably sooner rather than later. I just don't know yet, from day to day, how much I can do.

But, I am here to STAY! I am so glad that others value me, although I do recognize the need for me to internalize a self-valuing.

My ologist is going on vacation for two weeks; tomorrow is my last appt. with him before he goes. So, I'm going to be . . . probably in some difficulties.

THAT'S nothing new. But, I am trying to find some light in humor.

Like the CrashBonsai thing, it just makes me giggle!

Or how about THIS:

Especially good for late-night surfing and there's no CERTS in sight!

With that laugh, I leave you and bid you adieu; a bientot!