Pressure and I, Well, We're Like Matter & AntiMatter . . . .

Put me together with alot of pressure and something is gonna explode, some way, somewhere. I'm not saying that in a way of, oh, it's just gonna happen, I can't help it, but in a, I've fought my whole life, and I REALLY FIGHT HARD when I'm under pressure, but hell when everything's falling to pieces um I'm kinda doing alot trying to grab hold of things already starting to shoot off in different directions already . . . . . dunno if I can keep the lid on, guess we'll see.

Anyway, more tomorrow.

You may not know, but I have an arthroscopy on Tuesday. Not sure what time yet, he does his shoulders (as they put it) first, I'll find out tomorrow what time, and tomorrow we'll work thru about specifics on which of my meds to maybe take and not take (cause, um one of my morning meds is a stimulant, that's not so good for general anesthesia, I'd bet . . . . lol).

Arthroscopy may not sound like much to many of you, but it's alot to me, especially considering what the likely next step will be, etc, although I'm not sure as to the timeline of that "next" step.

Anyway, more tomorrow, lots to do.

LOTS of pressure. lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. I don't do pressure. I try with all my being. EVERY time. Despite the I don't do pressure thing, I still throw mywhole self at it, because that's what I do, and still I . . . well that leads nowhere good, so I'll stop. For now. Psychologically, I'm not in a good place, and I haven't seen the psychologist last week, he was on vacation, and the week before that I hadn't been scheduled for this surgery yet, and now it's scheduled right for when we'd usually meet . . . . so that's all screwed up too . . . (he's very understanding tho, I've left him a message.)

Hopefully I can see him later in the week; I already have a psychiatrist appt. for two days after surgery, that I had long before I knew I'd be having outpatient surgery. The ortho people said it's fine to go out and stuff by then so that's good (except the pain part.)

Ok, ramble over, see ya tomorrow. I'm having a tough time, think, pray, whatever of, about me, whatever, cross fingers, k? I'd appreciate it.

p.s. my word verify is poovil(dh) ha