Disoriented

UGH!

I have to keep re-orienting myself, as I all of a sudden don't know where I am, and even have to remember WHO I am.

First, I don't know where I am, and then, it clicks into place, but the WRONG place clicks into place. My brain thinks I'm in the basement of my parents' old house in Bountiful. And it FEELS right, and fitting to my surroundings.

This is so wierd, and scary when I realize, "Wait, this isn't where I am.". Not, "That's not where I am.". It feels like where I am so it's "THIS isn't where I am.".

Then, it's like someone's pulled the one-armed bandit handle and like my presence-ness, my where-being, is spinnging ala one of those reels, until it suddenly (without any slowing) comes to a stop, jarringly, in my current, real, surroundings.

And yet, there's a feeling as though this reality is . . . possibly a wallpaper, or veneer, that could be stripped away under the right (wrong?) circumstances.

And then, a few minutes later, this whole thing starts up again when I realize that I believe I am in my parents' basement again.

It isn't so much that I SEE my parents' basement, although there's a shimmering of my surroundings morphing into that, there's definitely a feeling and a sort of seeing it, as though out of the corner or somewhat peripheral vision . . . It's more than a shimmering of it, it's as though it's switching between the two "stations" and the tuner won't stay set . . . and my surrounds keep feeling like they really "fit" into the visual of my parents' basement, and get overlaid by it.

I'm trying to convey this really, really, well, because it is VERY confusing. EXTREMELY disorienting, and somewhat disturbing . . . I feel that it "should" be MORE disturbing, except when I am in parents' basement mode, it "feels" right. At least, until it doesn't. Well, it's not that it doesn't become NOT feeling right, but rather that, cognitively, I suddenly realize, logically, that HEY, something's off, here . . .

Anyway. WIERD. Disturbing. Now you might all think I'm mental. Crazy. Loopy. Insane. Unbalanced. Unhinged. Teetering. Any other stereotypical mentally ill word you can think of.

My brain feels cognitively dizzy, as though my physical sense of dizziness could be a thought-sense of dizziness. UGH, that's not explained well. It's not a whirling of thoughts, but a dizziness of my where-ness, a dizziness of my who-ness (a little tiny bit), a dizziness of the basic process of thought/thinking, itself.

Obviously, I'm going to bring all this up w/my ologist tomorrow, and perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Although I'm not necessarily saying this is a huge or big deal, but . . . it's definitely WIERD, and I hate feeling like someone is messing with my existence. With what dimension I'm in.

Sara out. I'm gonna lay down and try to get things to stop this, although I dunno how.