A Mish Mash

Actor Crush of the Day: Pierce Brosnan!

Therapy was good yesterday. I had a hard time getting going, though, which is unusual since I talk my head off (which is wierd since I think of myself as painfully shy).

Shame and embarassment associated with the issues of extreme impulsivity and the lack of control of them. And that I "should" have self-control.

Yeah, that's a "should". Still, this is a HUGE struggle and problem for me, and even TALKING about it makes it more real how horrid I am in this area. How horrible I AM; okay, let me change that; instead of personalizing it, labeling myself, and overgeneralizing, how about I say I FEEL horrible about myself when I contemplate my lack of efficacy in this area.

There; see? Therapy is working, damnit! Hee hee. Sometimes I'm like, dammit, therapy is working! Get out of my head, King!

And before you freak out, that's very normal to have these changeback reactions, this psychological resistance to change. So I try not to beat myself up for it, and, in fact, I find it kind of funny and have a bit of a giggle about it. Also, it shows me that therapy IS working. And I accept the reaction as part of the process. Of course there's going to be parts of me, much of it on a subconscious level, that is pulling back against the changes. Accepting that is rather liberating.

Anyhoo, onto some more in this mish mash post. Anyone for mashed potaters?

Get back on track, brain!! (Yank!). Let's see, I didn't know I'd miss my sister as much as I do. See, it's not like I got to ever hardly see her anyway, but with her working in a national park, of course she's farther away. I impulsively decided to gift her with THIS necklace . . . I'd been thinking lately what could I do for her or give her so she'd know I missed her and was thinking about her; now she can wear this and think of ME, and a bit of me will be there with her . . . .

Plus, I think she'll enjoy the unique name I gave it too.

Oh Yeah! My dad just made me the most AWESOME wooden beads! My parents were just here, and he brought me a sampling of shapes and sizes, in sycamore (blond) and walnut (a nice deep, rich brown). I couldn't stop playing with them, and exclaiming over them, and I had to string them just to see! WOW! I can imagine all sorts of designs. I had requested some chunky ones too, size wise, and he did some of those too! These are MARVELOUS!

Thanks, Dad!!!! They are SWEET! He also made some interesting different designs, too! Wooden beads, yippee! I think a strand of wooden beads is always a good look, especially basic rounds, but wooden beads and the boho eclectic look as well are VERY, VERY in right now. Natural materials are VERY hot!!! Yippeee, I LOVE these beads!!! You know what these'd cost me to buy? Eeep! Especially in this variety. Well, some places have decent prices on a few varieties of decently sized wood beads, but beyond those few styles . . . .

And custom, to boot! Okay, enough about wooden beads.

You all are probably bored right now.

I am so VERY VERY tired. Very very very.

How does one reassure one's child that the Sun is NOT going to die for billions of years? Her concept of time is very . . . well, not developed. This is one of the areas her high-functioning autism rather affects, I think. She is SO worried about this, she checked the book out again and keeps going to the page with the life cycle of our sun on it, and a large picture of a red giant near the end of its life. I'm going to ask my ologist some strategies for relieving her fears, cause what you'd generally think of isn't working, and she's showing a repeated and strong level of concern that is concerning ME.

I remember how, as a child, as soon as I learned about volcanos at a science fair at the junior high (my older siblings were in it, I was about 7), we walked outside after, I looked up at the Catskill Mountains in the Hudson River Valley, and thought, these are all volcanos, they will all put out lava which will fill up the valley to the top, we will all burn, be melted horribly, and die.

And I was terrified of this until around 12-13 when I learned that not all mountains are volcanos, and certainly the Catskills weren't. To this day, though, I still have nightmares involving volcanos and lava. Nothing like a horrid childhood fear to really do you in.