Why is it I cycle like this? I get all bold, and do something, and then later it's like I'm shrink wrap under a heat gun . . . .
ARGH!! Am I stupid, or am I brave? I suppose those are all or nothing, to think I am one OR the other . . . . but it is hard to be anything in-between; I seem to be much about polar opposites . . . . . I get mental and emotional whiplash from all the back and forth. It's about more than just MOOD swings.
I'm talking paradigm shifts, that pull your whole worldview/perspective out from under you, and you then are operating from a place where many of the decisions you may have just made in the previous mind-set no longer make sense, and many of them you (I) can't follow through on; I have enough problems trying to do the stuff that makes sense to me, or fits with what I'm feeling or thinking.
Attitude swings . . . aside from the emotional stuff. Opinion swings too. And then there's the 'ole believing and feeling conflicting sides of an issue or situation at the same time.
I'm a storm of contrasts and extremes. Balance is NOT a part of the experience.
It's hard to explain. Somehow, I've got to LEARN balance, but even after a year of therapy, I can't even conceive of what that would be like.
I HATE HAVING SO MUCH OF ME, ABOUT ME, THAT IS ME, SHIFTING/SWINGING/CHANGING/RAPID CYCLING/ETC.
No wonder I'm dizzy, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, socially, etc., ad nauseum . . . .
Ad nauseous . . .
1 comment:
You can hold your head up high because what you did was great!!!!
Post a Comment