As Paul Harvey says . . .

. . . and now, for the rest of the story.

So. My iatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar.

This caused HUGE problems, and he knew so, and apologized for putting me in such a difficult positon.

That position being, I have two mental health professionals that I trust; when they disagree so fundamentally, it creates an internal crisis . . . .

Thing is, it turns out my iatrist DOES think I'm bipolar, he just didn't want me to think so.

From things he's said, I gather that he thought I'd use it as an excuse, or not do the work I need to in therapy and just kind of "rest" on that label of bipolar . . .

Well, he doesn't know me very well. I've worked my butt off (I wish, literally, it'd be nice to have a skinnier butt . . .) in therapy!

As far as the dilemma, I soul-searched and scoured and examined things from every angle, and in addition to the fact that I'd spent many, many, MANY more hours with my ologist, and that I also had a deeper relationship with said ologist; in addition to those things, the facts just support the diagnosis of bipolar.

I'm afraid some of you will be saying, "See? She wants that label, to excuse stuff . . . "

It's an explanation, for me. I'd rather not have things be a mystery, because one can work with the known; in fact, it gives me hope that this is something that CAN be worked with, since mental health people have been doing so for years, as well as other bipolar patients.

Anyway, I find out from the lawyer, when I reluctantly mention that my iatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar, he says, "What!?!! Let me find it in my notes . . . . Yes, he says 'bipolar' in several places . . ."

As recently as my last appointment with him in July, is written the diagnosis of bipolar.

There is some consternation on my part, but surprisingly, I understand that he was doing what he thought was best for his patient, in this case, me. I disagree with his choice, here, but I respect that he was operating in my best interests according to his opinion and judgement.

See, I really connect with that because of some things we discussed at our last appointment, regarding other matters on which we had disagreed. I really appreciated then, as I do now, that, though I disagreed with the course he took, he was working from concern for my well-being and judged what he thought was the action to take.

I still disagree with a variety of things, including his decision to mislead and even lie to me about my bipolar diagnosis; I also venture to say that perhaps I'm so calm and collected upon learning about this, because there may be some hidden feelings such as anger and other somewhere inside that haven't come out yet; I do feel and have felt, though, the care he takes and concern he has for me, as his patient, and for acting in his patients' best interests.

I do not know what any professional organizations he belongs to have to say on such matters as this, but I suspect there is leeway given the huge variety of mental and emotional states of being, and combinations thereof, for patients of practitioners such as he.

Also, he's a D.O., which means he has a different view of things than most. I'll defintely NOT go for a D.O. again, lol.

I am feeling . . . a bit perturbed, though, and unsettled and even shocked and surprised to learn this, although I also feel everything else I wrote above regarding this matter as well.