Greetings, Programs!

Um, Becky, or somebody, Help! Not sure what I'm doing but figured I'd start a blog but with my illnesses I was concerned I'd piss people off with what I might post sometimes with what it's like to be Bipolar, GAD, SAD, and probably OCD. Specifically, family, if I post about my worries, fears, concerns, angers, etc, that are influenced and/or even caused by the brain disorders I suffer from, as listed in the previous sentence. But, I guess we'll see.

So here is a poem I wrote in 1993, long before I knew it was anything other than depression. It describes what it is like to have these things, and pleads for the kind of help and kindness and care from friends and family that I need.

hear me

Do you hear my silent cries?

Are you listening for them?

Do you see the emptiness inside

where anger howls and batters away

inside me where pain is all

and frustration threatens to drown

all that I am and drain me away?

Do you see my dread to reveal too much

of who I am lest you recoil

from my ugliness that I fear

you will see inside me?

Please see some spark in me worth saving,

that I might have an anchor

in the midst of a churning,

storm-tossed sea, helpless

against the onslaught of fear

that looms and threatens to devour

my identity and my choices

of who I want to be.

As I try to withstand the

hurricane-force winds that shatter,

and scatter the shards of my

pain-wracked soul beyond my

trembling reach, please hear my

silent, desperate plea for succor

in my time of need and hopeless hoping

that perhaps someone may

nurture my anguished spirit and

hold my fragile heart in careful,

tender hands, with much Love and

Patience to endure me through

my trials and rejoice with me

as I discover precious eternal

truths.

- Copyright 1993 Sara J.P.(F.), July