Is what I am suffering from, real illnesses or not?

I have been told that they are, and biologically based. That it's a real, physical disease, like cancer or diabetes.

I would kind of liken my ability to function, to a cancer patient (a very survivable cancer, but with lots of rad/chemo etc therapies), who is going through chemo or some other debilitating treatment. Some days are good, some days or weeks are bad. And, sometimes, there are so many bad days or weeks in a month they cannot get anything done!

That is what it is like, in alot of ways, with my ability to function, or most often, NOT. Not very well.

If it is true that my illness is a real disease, as are cancer and diabetes, then that changes how others perceive or treat you. My illnesses being real diseases, isn't really the problem. Other people, even if they say they realize these things are real, physical illnesses, often-times treat you, when it comes to the ways in which you are not functioning or coping well with the ADL's, or Activities of Daily Life, as the doctors would put it, they seem to treat you kind of like it is all in your head, or that helping out in any manner that they wouldn't question to help out in for that hypothetical surviving cancer patient on chemo, who is having a really bad month.

The reality is, I would not ever feel as though I was entitled to certain help with daily activities or chores or whatnot; NEVER. But, when counseled by the Bishop to allow others the chance to serve, and be open to it, and when feeling prompted by the spirit to mention certain things (I do not, though, see being prompted by the spirit to = that they are obligated or expected or required to do it; I am open to the possibility that I am supposed to learn that certain things are not appropriate, or that I am supposed to learn something for my benefit from the exchange.), it is a bit confusing to sort out whether, in fact, I should behave as if my conditions are illnesses, or all in my head.

When I interact with others, in the mode of believing they are real illnesses, I tend to get some . . . you can't be serious reactions; some boy, she is really being . . . inappropriate? selfish? greedy? pathetic? lazy? out-of-bounds?

When I interact with others, in the mode of believing that all I need is more willpower to do these things I have so much difficulty with, or can't do at all, or only a few times a year, then they are much more comfortable and happy to interact with me, because they know I will not ask them anything or talk about my struggles coping with daily functioning, which would really take them out of their comfort zone, and would make them feel uncomfortable.

I am not trying to judge these people as bad, at all!! They are very kind women, and there are ways of doing certain things, and procedures, and all that, that I don't really know or understand.

I mention all of the above, to attempt to illustrate that even the best people, who acknowledge I am struggling with real illnesses, still have problems carrying that over into the way they handle things.

At the same time, to be VERY fair, they are not really sure at ALL how to handle interacting with me about my mental illnesses and what kind of help is appropriate, and what isn't. I understand that, because I do not know much about these illnesses myself yet, beyond the experiences I relate, but that I do not yet have a framework of knowledge with which to understand. So I understand this, and applaud them for being so kind, thoughtful, and understanding with me.

I felt strongly the need, though, to illustrate the struggle inside me as to the two perceptual ways, that affect ways of behaving, about my illnesses. I do NOT want to just sit back and say, I am disabled, so you people come help me. That is not me. At the same time, to come to accept that applying for disability was necessary, valid, and that I actually am disabled, in my ability to function, that it is not ME, but rather the illnesses that affect my abilities to cope with the world and everything in it, one has to come to a certain acknowledgement that you are struggling, and that it is NOT just about willpower.

I will go on at length probably, some other time, about accepting the need for Social Security Disability, and that I am, in fact, not able to work, or function well in even household matters, versus the need to always keep striving to improve (whilst not trying to improve more than little baby steps at a time (I love that movie, What About Bob!), work on things in therapy, and learn to function better. Therapy, and medication, is such a SLOW process though, it's gonna be a good long time before I'm "there". Wherever "there" is, but it's a desireable place, of higher functioning.

I hope I have not offended or hurt any of my friends. I was just trying to illustrate the different aspects of the problem floating around in my brain, and thought that the ideas I came up with would be illuminating for anyone trying to understand me, or the mentally ill, better.