Medication Sucks; Or "Why I Regret Forgetting Last Night's Effexor Dose"

Actor Crush of the Day: George Clooney

Ugh. I'm tempted to just leave that one word as today's whole post, because it sums it up perfectly.

You know, alot of people think the mentally ill, especially bipolar and schizophrenics, are, quite frankly, stupid, for how often they end up deciding to stop take their medications.

Let me tell you, it is most certainly not cut and dried. Let me also reassure you that I intend on taking mine, although I am becoming weary of the side effects, and I'm not quite yet even on a mood stabilizer.

I am surprised that I am able to be so coherent in my current state, and would ask for your patience if I become less so.

I have never been drunk, but from seeing it in the popular media, I would describe what I am currently feeling like as being medium-lightly drunk, and horriblty hung-over, all at the same time.

I keep a sleeping mask on my eyes, and have to replace it if I'm without it for half an hour or so, as the light hurts my eyes.

My head is in MAJOR pain, but in a not normal-headache kind of way. Not migraine-like either, it's very different. And it feels like the whole inside of my head hurts, especially a spot a few inches down insude, about 3-4 inches up from the front hairline.

My head feels both light and heavy and the same time. As do my limbs.

I feel very clumsy, and rather detached and spacey. My sense of balance is way off, and I plan on spending most of the day horizontally resting. I have some concern that that may make my headache and balance worse, as it does when you oversleep way too much, but I'm rather ill so there we go.

Dinner for Emily will be either cereal or a zapped can of soup and some canned fruit, as that's about as far as I can manage. In that regard, it's similar to my worst days of low-functioning.

Not sure about eating, myself. I have eaten one thing, and it's staying down, so I guess we'll cautiously attempt something small later. But the prospect just does not appeal to me. It doesn't put me off much either, it's just not a concept that fits well with how I feel today.

I am tired in a really disconnected, kind of "woop-de-doo" kind of way.

I am not really describing it as effectively as I'd like, but then I'm surprised I'm able to form even somewhat-expressive sentences at all right now.

I didn't mean to really give a "travelogue" of my symptoms, but rather meant to illustrate some of the difficulties I face in the realm of medications and their side effects.

The horribly, realer-than-real, more-vivid-than-you-can-imagine series of nightmares and dreams I've had the last several nights in a row, and very frequently, increasingly so, over the last few months, are beginning to make me a bit leery of sleep. And, perhaps, causing me to feel lest rested, due to every sleeping moment becoming consumed in intensely-felt experiences. I am so weary of these. Although I do happen to like the occasional vivid REALLY HAPPY AND FUN dreams. Those are cool.

Anyway, i'm not even on what I think of as the heavy-hitting meds yet (mood stabilizers, and/or anti-psychotics (you don't have to be psychotic for the latter medicines to be of help; they are sometimes used for just depression, as well as bipolar without psychotic features, and a whole range of other things). And I am so tired of the side effects.

Just a picture into my world, so perhaps people might not be so judgemental of the mentally ill and their struggles with balancing medications.