Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I am sorry I exist
I am so sorry that I inflict my very presence; my existence, on the people around me, on the world. I am so sorry that I am a part of this world, that I am. I am so sorry that I am so insufficient to everything. I am so sorry that everyone has had to endure me, like the scraping of a chalk down a blackboard. I am so sorry that I can't cope with being around critical people.
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8 comments:
Oh Sara, I was there less than 24 hours ago =(
I don't know what else to say... It's hard, it's really hard, fighting delusions of UNgrandeur.
I'm not sorry you exist though, you help me think about BP in new ways, you make great posts and comments, which is more than I can say about myself...
So I'm not all alone right now? There is someone who understands?
delusions of UNgrandeur is right . . . .
Thank you for being not sorry I exist, and for your further kind comments.
Right now I can't see it, but knowing someone feels that way is precious to me. You probably know how precious it can be . . .
I HATE THIS. I hate being such a failure. Being failure itself. I can't help but fail.
You probably aren't in the mood for jokes, but I'm kind of giggling about your last sentence. Sorry if that's inappropriate. I "failed" for 20 years. Ha!
Okay, maybe not funny.
I'm not sorry you exist either. I got your message on our answering machine, and it really made me smile. YOU made me smile.
I used to think that failure wasn't an option, just a nagging possibility to help me stay focused (thank you madison avenue).
Now I sing along with BNL with gusto, how I'm gaining pounds at the precipice of 'too late' or how I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser...
24 hours ago I was ready to test the weight limits of christmas lights on our front tree, it was that dark and that bad. Right now there are small beams of light, like the few stars that can shine in a metro area, and you, Sara, are one of those for me.
Please, keep existing here on earht for a bit longer, even if it's just to show the @!#$!%^s that you can. (pardon my punctuation)
Sara
I don't know what brought this on all of a sudden but please know that I love you no matter what!
And remember that You are a Child of God and a worthwhile person. You have a beautiful daughter who loves you and a husband who adores you - so what else matters. I put your name in the temple today.... That should account for lots of prayers offered in your behalf!
My illness. It can shift things faster than you can blink, for no reason at all.
Thank you Tea . . .That sounds like a funny song! The absolute worst of it has lifted, although I'm still deeply down.
I am so sorry you were in that horrible place yesterday, and are still feeling badly. I'm sending you a great big hug, Tea! I know how you feel. The comments here, especially yours, are like those beams of light, for me.
And I like your $%#$%ing language. @#$%#$% it. Hee! Pardon my @%#$% and @#$@#$. Well see there, I'm now feeling better, a little bit.
And yeah, Beck, I am destined to Fail, at least since marrying into the Fail family. I had been going to not reveal my last name, but it'll get buried in the archives soon enough.
I'm Failsafe. Cause I'm safe w/my Fails. Whee!
Everybody should try a little cartoon swearing now and then. It's @#$@# thereapeutic, @#$% it all to @#$#@$. Teehee.
Well, what are you waiting for? @#$@ away!
You don't know me (yet), but I spent quite a bit of time reading your blog yesterday, and had to come back today.
I'm not sorry you exist. Only that I didn't comment yesterday.
Hope you're feeling better.
I am glad that you are doing better. You have a purpose in life and are needed and loved!
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