Thursday, January 26, 2006

Simple Contentment

Sometime late in December, or maybe it was mid-December, I had a sweet experience.

I was standing at the stove, flipping over slices of Spam, as I was frying them in order to somewhat replicate the taste of bacon.

I really started feeling "in the moment", and very intensely "there". I thought about a few things, some very simple things, such as what a domestic kind of thing I was doing, standing there humming a tune whilst flipping some admittedly mystery meat.

I thought, do I feel Happy? I answered myself, "No, not really . . .". Do I feel sad? "Definitely not." I was feeling something pleasant, though, that was growing stronger.

I became ever-more rooted in the moment, in the present I was experiencing, and realized that I was Content. I marveled at this, a little bit, and questioned it inside, but these further thoughts cemented it in my heart: I had what I always wanted, to be a wife and mother, to have a roof over our heads (albeit an apartment), and clothes on our backs, and food (okay, so Spam is rather questionable in that category, lol!) in our mouths.

I WAS CONTENT. So much was going on with me in life, that, as I stood there at the stove, I was able to really be Present, and take simple pleasure in simple things, tasks, and activities. I felt a peace that I cannot describe . . . . and I was content.

Joy, while a great thing, is not sustainable. At least, I find that the moments I think of as joyful, such as the birth of my daughter, my wedding day to my husband, are the mountain peaks of my life.

I wouldn't say that happiness isn't sustainable, but I feel that contentment could actually be a more profound and sustainable frame of mind/experience, than being Happy all the time . . . .

I felt, as I stood there at the stove, that I was the luckiest person on earth . . . how many other people really feel that they have what they always wanted? I don't think a majority . . .

For that half hour or so that I felt this, I WAS the luckiest person on earth.

Now, obviously I wasn't able to sustain that, and I'm not sure anyone can every second, BUT I look forward to feeling that again, especially now that I know it is possible! With all my mood problems with my mental illnesses, it was so sweet to be truly content.

Now, even then I knew, of course, I didn't have EVERYTHING I always wanted, or even some very important things that I consider essential, such as being married in the temple, which I have not been, yet, or even having gone through the temple, which again, I have not, yet. Having more of an education would be good too, although I have not been capable of sustaining the activities required. I was grateful, though, for having what I did have that I had always wanted.

I've hesitated for awhile to post this, for fear of family saying, see? There you go, it's as simple as that, just do that and you'll be fine . . . . Or when I'm having a hard time, of having this experience held up to me and used as a tool or a judgement by others of any difficult moods, behaviors, or other difficulties that I might be having.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think that you really captured the experience of how content you felt in the moment. I would have liked to have had a husband and a child too and maybe I will someday. Yet, I have had those sweet moments of feeling content. I know I have shared about the bad times in my home. There are often very good times too where we all get along. In fact, that is the case most of the time now. It is so nice to share good times together.

I realize that the fact that you were able to arrive at that place of well-beling does not mean that you can always access such a feeling. I have had a few mood swings through the years and understand just how real they seem to the mind and just how divorced you can be from the good of this life during those moments.

Anonymous said...

Mom said. . . Sara, I am so glad that you have had such a sweet experience . . . Hang on to the thought that it will happen again. . . because it does, and you never know just when. . . These moments and times are day brighteners, and life brighteners. What a peaceful thing . . . to be content . . . Thank you for sharing this special moment.

LizzieDaisy said...

That sounds so wonderful! I hope it sticks with you for a long time to come. Hugs!

Hey, TAG Sara... make it what you want so it fits your blog. :)

David B. said...

That feeling of contentment is a wonderful thing. It is often illusive for anyone, even those who don't struggle with mental health issues.

To experience that feeling, to know that although not all is perfect, that you have that which is sufficient for you is a great blessing. Although the feeling can be fleeting, it can be recalled later in times of trial for strength.

I believe that the underlying principle of contentment is gratitude. If we are truly grateful for what we have, we feel more blessed, more content. If we are ungrateful, then we focus on how rotten things are for us, or how unfair life has been to us, and we become more and more discontented.

The bottom line is that this life is filled with sorrows and trials of all kinds for everyone. We can hope for the peace and reassurance that one-day all will be made right. That the eternal justice of God will balance out the injustices we may have been dealt in this life -- especially when they are not of our own doing. We can feel the sweet comforting of the Spirit to strengthen us and help us endure our trials with faith and patience. But in the end, we know that we are not given a fullness of joy in this life.

So we hold on. We don't give up. We trust in the Lord and his promises to us. We express gratitude for what we have, and in this we find strength, hope, faith, contentment, and even a measure of joy from time-to-time as well.

Best Wishes to you Sarebear.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm...spam

(I have nothing inspiring to contribute, sorry)

HP said...

That is such a good moment and so well-expressed. Hope that you have more moments like this.