Simple Contentment

Sometime late in December, or maybe it was mid-December, I had a sweet experience.

I was standing at the stove, flipping over slices of Spam, as I was frying them in order to somewhat replicate the taste of bacon.

I really started feeling "in the moment", and very intensely "there". I thought about a few things, some very simple things, such as what a domestic kind of thing I was doing, standing there humming a tune whilst flipping some admittedly mystery meat.

I thought, do I feel Happy? I answered myself, "No, not really . . .". Do I feel sad? "Definitely not." I was feeling something pleasant, though, that was growing stronger.

I became ever-more rooted in the moment, in the present I was experiencing, and realized that I was Content. I marveled at this, a little bit, and questioned it inside, but these further thoughts cemented it in my heart: I had what I always wanted, to be a wife and mother, to have a roof over our heads (albeit an apartment), and clothes on our backs, and food (okay, so Spam is rather questionable in that category, lol!) in our mouths.

I WAS CONTENT. So much was going on with me in life, that, as I stood there at the stove, I was able to really be Present, and take simple pleasure in simple things, tasks, and activities. I felt a peace that I cannot describe . . . . and I was content.

Joy, while a great thing, is not sustainable. At least, I find that the moments I think of as joyful, such as the birth of my daughter, my wedding day to my husband, are the mountain peaks of my life.

I wouldn't say that happiness isn't sustainable, but I feel that contentment could actually be a more profound and sustainable frame of mind/experience, than being Happy all the time . . . .

I felt, as I stood there at the stove, that I was the luckiest person on earth . . . how many other people really feel that they have what they always wanted? I don't think a majority . . .

For that half hour or so that I felt this, I WAS the luckiest person on earth.

Now, obviously I wasn't able to sustain that, and I'm not sure anyone can every second, BUT I look forward to feeling that again, especially now that I know it is possible! With all my mood problems with my mental illnesses, it was so sweet to be truly content.

Now, even then I knew, of course, I didn't have EVERYTHING I always wanted, or even some very important things that I consider essential, such as being married in the temple, which I have not been, yet, or even having gone through the temple, which again, I have not, yet. Having more of an education would be good too, although I have not been capable of sustaining the activities required. I was grateful, though, for having what I did have that I had always wanted.

I've hesitated for awhile to post this, for fear of family saying, see? There you go, it's as simple as that, just do that and you'll be fine . . . . Or when I'm having a hard time, of having this experience held up to me and used as a tool or a judgement by others of any difficult moods, behaviors, or other difficulties that I might be having.