Actor Crush of the Day: Matthew McConaughy
James (Hopelessly Depressed), of "Damn I Hate Being Depressed" blog, has written a post on a subject that I have been too embarassed to address, but I feel is an important one, and misunderstood by the non-ill, and used in part as "proof" that the ill are just lazy, icky, whatever.
Personal Hygiene. I hope you can look at this issue in a clinical way, instead of a more, "Ewww, ick, they are GROSS!" kind of way. It may be so, but I appreciated the tone of his post, and the purpose, as well. As I typed out my comment on his post, the third one down, it helped me think through the issue, and some of the reasons why I feel it really helps illustrate some of the issues involved with depression.
The ability to CARE for ones' self, in not just emotional, intellectual, and spiritual ways, but also PHYSICALLY, I think, really is a major dysfunction that the depressed experience. You LOATHE yourself; how COULD you have normal resources inside with which to summon the energy, motivation, and frequency for caring for your physical needs/self? The very inability to care about ones' self is a central problem with depression. You don't and can't seem to CARE about yourself in much of any manner at all . . . the well is dry.
These problems, I feel, are most frequently seen as LAZINESS by the non-ill, as they regard the depressed. That we are CHOOSING a slothful, filthy, slobbish lifestyle, and that if we'd only get UP and DO it, if we'd only CHOOSE to do this routine daily, or however often society expects it of us, that'd we'd DO it.
It isn't that we can't make choices; our ability to be consistent, our ability to follow-through, our ability to even physically care for ourselves, to have any DESIRE to care for ourselves, is crippled and/or diminished to a miniscule capacity of what a person normally has. To even EMOTIONALLY care for oneself, is COMPLETELY at odds, COMPLETELY in opposition to, the difficulties that are inherent with depression. Depression creates, reinforces, contributes to, imposes, influences, and/or changes, etc. the very patterns of our thoughts and feelings. It does any and/or all of these at different times, to differing degrees.
It isn't that we aren't responsible for ourselves, but rather that our CAPACITY to DO, our CAPACITY to DESIRE to do, our CAPACITY to even FEEL a necessity, our CAPACITY to DIRECT ourselves, is hindered and encumbered by the weighty oppression of depression.
I am rather nervous to post this, but it is an important issue and illustration of some of the fundamental difficulties I have experienced in and with my illnesses. I hope to not be judged, but I suspect that will happen. It is, fundamentally, a medical problem, a facet of the illness I and others suffer from. A handicap, even, as our capacity in this matter is handicapped by the illness(es).
7 comments:
momsaid. . . Thanks Sare, This post says a lot to me, and shares many feelings I have had over the years, that no one knew about . . . Thanks for verbalizing these important thought and feelings . . .
Sara,
Again...I am flattered...I am glad I could be a catalyst for you being able to discuss a difficult topic...that is pretty much one of my intentions for my blogsite. My hope is we can reach many people and do some good with our experience with depression. You seem like a really good person and clearly someone who is an advocate...I appreciate that...hopefully with us advocating together we can further our efforts that much more.
I am at the point where I want to do more to "get the word out"... do you have any ideas? Let me know.
Thanks again,
James
That is my hope as well.
Thank you for the compliments!
You seem very sincere and with a deep desire to advocate as well.
The more voices speaking together, the better!
Commenting on other blogs is helpful, although do make sure you are involved in what they are discussing, and not just plugging your blog.
You don't even need to mention your blog, unless it is pertinent to the kind of thing they are talking about. People will sometimes click through on your name (if it's a clickable link to your blog, which alot of blogs provide for when you comment).
Just getting out there and commenting like you have been, is a good thing. And posting what you do. People will also find you on search engines.
I think you are already off to a good start . . . it takes time, sometimes, to build an audience, as well.
Mom, I am so glad that I could express some things that represent things you kept inside and couldn't really express or anything. It's not just something one goes and says to people. Well, I guess I just did, but it's my blog. Lol.
I hope this comes across the right way. Yesterday was a very bad day at work for me with a lot of ocd issues. I have had my struggles with depression too. However, knowledge of people who have struggled so much with depression that hygeine was a monumental task makes me grateful that I have never had that degree of depression. I know that making small decisions such as what to wear can seem insumrmontable to those who are depressed. By the way, if you ever see a spelling error, please feel free to correct it. Thank you Sarebear and James for your openess.
Someone to arrange external controls non-judgementally can be a blessing. It's easy to say "You'll feel better if you get up, take a shower, and take a walk every day," but sometimes it's hard to find the will internally. Depression often saps the will.
If you have a friend who will come over and prod you through it, even at risk of receiving your anger, you have true gold.
we need eachother, man. We're doomed if we dont share because the non-depressed people are very hard on our self-esteems. they dont get it. And it makes life seem unbearable and we isolate.
This reminds me of a story about a man walking down a hallway....passing a door. he opens the door and sees a long table with a banquet of food on it. there are a dozen people seated...with long miserable faces and incredibly long arms that cant bend. he asks: "with all this food, why are you all starving?" and one explained, "Our arms are too long to reach our mouths."
The man keeps walking down the hall and comes to another door.
He hears giggles and opens the door to find another long table full of food and a dozen people with long unbending arms. But they were all laughing and eating. He asks: "with those long arms, how are you able to eat?" one says to him "we feed eachother of course."
Based on what i learned from that story, i cant help but try to share whatever knowledge and compassion I have with fellow sufferers of depression. And boy do we need it in this world. I have learned that depression is most likely a symptom of nutritional deficiencies. take your vitamins, minerals, fatty acids and amino acids people. Medications from doctors tend to deplete you more...hence the side-effects like wieght gain. please take your vitamins daily.
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